Dad died. 

Such a powerful statement. Yes he was old, yes it was expected. But dad died. Gone forever. I guess I'm next in the line-up. Things like this cultivate lots of reflection. Life and death. What we are even doing here? Is there a point? Time is fleeting and you can't take any of it with you when you leave. You go alone. Who made up this 'life' thing anyway? 

I'm sure I will wallow in these feelings for a while. It is familiar because it was the same with mom. Except it was worse with her because she was my Mom. Anyway, I will get used to the idea and get caught back up in my kids and grandkids lives and this will go to the back shelf for a while. But maybe not so far back because I am getting older now. Much of my life is behind me rather that in front of me. 

I pray to God that mom, dad, grammy and Scott are all up there and will lead the way when I get there. It's my only solace about the whole thing.

Don't even get me started on Sarah. That's another blog post.

 Well good evening. It's been so long! Sarah is turning 27 in a few days. We are 3 1/2 years into the pandemic and luckily have not caught it yet. Right now I am one of the few people still masking, avoiding crowds, etc. The covid numbers are rising again the past few weeks but an updated vaccine is coming out next month and Sarah and I will be first in line-maybe the only local ones in line-who knows. I rarely care what others are doing. i know what I am doing.

Sarah has declined more since my last post. BPAN is a strange beast. She had a few months where she was totally out of it, sleeping a lot and no smiles. Oh, how we missed her. And then she snapped back, full of giggles and smiles. Wide awake. and that continued for a few months. Now she has settled to an inbetween. Alert and watching but not real smiley unless I work for it. And I do because her smiles are pure gold for me. She still loves Celine and vanilla pudding. She likes to head out in the van (I bought a van!!) but her head gets tired and will loll over to the side, so rides are short. Shes about 93 pounds these days and her health is stable. No seizures that I can see and only one cold virus due to all the mask wearing. Hooray for that. Because of the pandemic many of Sarah's doctor appts are virtual, which is very convenient for her. Of course, if there's something I need to bring her in for I do, but its pretty rare.

Big news! We moved out of the apartment and into a large single family home. I feel much safer and Sarah has many rooms to spend time in, as well as a yard. A very positive quality of life move for the both of us. There's plenty of room for family to visit and stay over and the grandkids even have their own room. It's a great set-up. It really came in handy last winter when I broke my leg and needed help to care for Sarah for a few weeks.

What else is going on? Jimmy has moved to Miami. Big loss for me on many levels. I am coping because what else can one do? Elliot needs her Nanna.

John is still in DC. Teddy is 3, starting school soon. Where does the time go. Sarah enjoys the antics of the kiddos when they are here.

Dad is struggling, he had a fall and ended up in the hospital. He is 99. Ali and I are working on getting plans in place to hopefully bring him home soon. He needs full time care in-home at this point. Its not easy to figure out.

So that's a general outline for the moment. Anticipating the arrival of my favorite season, hoping to volunteer at a local draft horse rescue this fall. 

On we go.