IDK

I don't know. She is coping but not thriving. Pale, appetite off. I am getting weary of worrying about her. I am sure she has lost weight with not eating so well. At this point i am chocking it up to the move. it really threw her, i guess. Uggh. She is happy enough, so I just don't know. I have again upped the miralax to see if she is backed up. She burps early on in her meals, so it's worth a try. I did it when we first got here and it seemed to help, so I went back to the usual, but maybe that was too soon. Fun times. Not.

We made it

And here we are. It was a 2 day journey by car, with many rest stops. Sarah was a trooper and did well in the hotel. I really like our apartment. It's up on the 8th floor which turned out to be a surprise and I like it up here. The view is nice, the breeze is nice and it's far from the street traffic noise. The girls in the front office are very helpful and generally I am able to park in one one of the handicapped spots right at the entrance to the building. I am all unpacked and Sarah is settling in. She had one teary day last week, where she let out all her feelings about moving to a strange place. Since then, she has bounced back to her old self.
Well, I am tired, but wanted to check in and give a quick update. Pictures to come soon.

2 weeks

It's almost time. Two weeks to go. So far it's full steam ahead. My stress level has simmered down a bit, although I appear a bit pale these days. I hope everything goes as planned. I am really nervous about Sarah's tolerance for the road trip. There is still a lot to fall into place, well, it's all planned but it still has to actually happen. Mostly I have to start packing now.
I don't have anything else to write right now, when I am in the midst of a stressful situation I don't tend to write. I write more when it's all over and I can relax. Waiting for that day.

When you get an answer

This move is a series of questions that need answers. One by one, the questions are asked. And receiving a definite response is arduous at times. For instance: Are there appropriate services in each state in the DC area for Sarah? The answers took months to acquire. Lots of phone calls, emails and "I'll get back to you". One by one I checked off the answers. It seemed to take forever. Then there were the financial issues. More questions asked, mathematic problems to be solved. And one by one the financial end fell into place. Then there is the nursing license transition, more calls and research. And our health insurance changes. Can that go smoothly?

Underlying all these answers is the big question: Can this move be done?  All of these issues have to have a positive answer, or we just can't do it, no matter how much I want to. Today I received another important answer. I needed to know if the company that installed Sarah's bed can come out to disassemble it, so I can physically get it moved out of the house. The answer is finally Yes. Another item checked off the list. It is such a good feeling to get an answer!

This week begins the process of finding an apt down there.  Can we find a place to live that has no stairs and not too far from Jimmy? Lots of bullet points that this apartment has to address so that I can take care of Sarah properly and get her into and out of. Another box waiting to be checked. And then I have to find a company willing to put her bed back together once its in her room. I am getting ahead of myself.....

That's where we are now. Jimmy is pounding the pavement. Fingers crossed.

To Sarah

I spoke to Sarah today. Well, I speak to her every day, but today, I spoke to her some important words. Not the usual ones like, "i am going to get you up", "time for breakfast", "let's change your shirt". No, not those. Bigger words. Big picture words. Today I told her "I think we are over the hump, we have made it to the other side". Actually, I was saying these things to myself as much as her, but when I verbally tell her something, it has more meaning, more finality. Because I don't ever want to lead her astray. I have to mean what I say to her. To myself, well, I can lie and get away with it. But to her I must always speak the truth, because she knows no other way. So today, the words just kind of flowed out and I believed them as I said them. I need to believe them just as much as Sarah does. And I do.

We are finally over the hump. It's been a long haul. But, Sarah is now 18, she is healthy, I am healthy, her federal govt social security is in place, guardianship is done, she has private health ins until she is at least 26 and medicaid forever. John is in a good place, he is stable. Jimmy, John and Lauryn are all on board with our move to DC. Jimmy has informed all their friends down there and they are all so very happy that we are coming. It feels good. Timing and finances are still to be discussed but that will happen. Jimmy and Lauryn would like me to take care of their little girl(yes, a girl!) come December and one of their friends wants to help take care of Sarah. John is prepared to make the long car ride with Sarah and I from the cape to DC. We will split it up into 2 days, staying at a hotel overnight midway down. I know services are there for Sarah in VA and DC, at least. Still not sure on MD. But 2 out of 3 isn't bad so far! Our pharmacy can phone in our meds/refills to a pharmacy in DC. I can almost get excited, but holding back just a bit till timing and finances are discussed. At that point, I will let out a woop-woop and then turn myself to the task of telling everyone up here. That will be hard.

So. Over the hump. Yup. Here's Jimmy at his 30th birthday party.

And at the cherry blossoms

Forward focus

I feel like I am on the edge. Not in a bad way, but a new way. We are hoping to move Sarah and I to the DC area. I am researching services for her, to see where would be the best place to land. So that is ongoing.
There may be a few snags along the way, but some day, some way, Sarah will live down there. The boys are her guardians, they need access to her and she needs to see them more often. But the details! Oh, the details. That is where the stress will come from. I tell myself to keep an eye on the big picture, the rest will fall into place. OK. OK.
I check the weather down there, it will be in the 50s to 60s this week! Get me there. Up here there is 2 feet of snow in my yard, the driveway is a sheet of ice and Sarah hasn't been out of the house in 7 weeks. I am so over it. Yes, I know that in August, it will be 100 degrees in DC, but that's what air conditioning is for, right?
In other news, Jimmy and Lauryn are having a baby in October. Very exciting. They worked hard for this baby and are adjusting to the wonderful news themselves. I will be a grandma. I mean, Nanna. That's the name I choose, we shall see what the baby does with it, lol. It could turn out to be something entirely different.
I have cut back on work to 2 days a week. It's much better. I feel less stressed, Sarah is relaxed and I am bringing less viruses home to her and I from work (I am a nurse). Good all around.
Jimmy is turning 30 next month. The big 3-0! How did this happen? He's practically middle-aged, ha! So Lauryn is hosting a party for him and she is flying me down secretly to surprise him. I am looking forward to it, maybe there will be cherry blossoms to see too. John is driving down from NJ. All good. Lauryn is happy we are coming. It will be a tease, because I will not want to leave and return to Mass. But I must come back to my girl and hopefully start packing everything up to make the move. Fingers crossed.
As far as me personally, this is a big move. The rest of my family is up here, so that's hard. I'm also getting older and I find change is more stressful, even good change. Anxiety lurks closer to the surface now. But we miss the boys terribly. As I said to Jimmy, "I have missed the last 10 years of your life, I don't want to miss the next 10". That sums it up for me.
So on we go, in faith and hope.