With the steadying of this ship I turn more to Sarah. Afterall, she and I are the only ones left in the boat. And, believe it or not, she could use some attention! My girl has been very patient. These last 2 years I have worked more than I ever have, taking me from her, whether she liked it or not. Yes, it is good for her to have other people in her life, but there's no one like mama.
I have settled into my schedule, I don't feel like I am just 'surviving' anymore and I am able to garner some energy and direct it more fully toward my girl. And so I shall. We will see what she thinks about that!
And with this comes less computer time, for now. Because the time I do have at home will be working and playing with Sarah. We have some MyTobii to work on, eyegaze to fiddle with and academics to pursue. Physically, she is in a good, solid place.
I was asked recently, "Is Sarah happy?"
And I paused. And thought. And remembered how joyful and giggly she was as a little girl. Like a puppy. And now? She is more thoughtful, more mature. Not as quick to burst out into giggles over nothing at all. She thinks. Weighs the scene. She has a ready smile.
But is she happy? Yes, but in a different way. Now I am thinking about it. It is on my mind. I want to be sure. So I am checking in. I am watching and evaluating. Because that's all I want for her.
So there will be less of me here for a bit and more of me for her. And that's OK. Cause I will be back. When I am sure she is happy :)
