Days go along and I concern myself with work, shopping, teaching sarah, talking with friends, planting flowers, the boys...all the stuff that keeps one generally busy... And then Sarah doesn't feel well. And it all goes out the window. Not on purpose but out it goes. My brain looses track of what I am supposed to be doing and I walk around with a frown on my face. I can't help it.
Actually, what happens is I really don't notice that I have slipped into the 'ill sarah' realm until I start to come out of it. Until she starts to feel better. And I suddenly feel lighter. I can take a deep breath. And I think 'Wow, that was hard'.
Every time Sarah feels lousy this happens. Every. Single. Time. I can barely concentrate on feeding myself. I lose a couple of pounds. No matter what. I am pathetic.
And what brought this post up today? Well, Sarah had a Tdap immunization this week. she was due for it and I had put it off until I had a couple of days off from work so I could keep an eye on her afterwards. I worry about immunizations with her as she is not neurotypical and I do not know if any vaccines have affected her development in the past. She is one big question-mark. But she needs the Pertussis protection. She has a mildly floppy trachea and when she gets any kind of cough it tends to collapse on her, making it hard for her to catch her breath. I don't want to imagine what would happen if she picked up Pertussis.
Anyway, she had it on wednesday and that evening she became very pale and quiet and has remained that way since. Today is saturday. She has a large hot welt on her arm where Tdap was given. She's not horribly ill or anything, but 'under the weather' and I have found it difficult to pay attention to the rest of my life. But this morning she woke up with a giggle and a smile and I think she's back. And now I am smiling and thinking about breakfast. I will plant some flowers and head to work this afternoon feeling all is right with my world. It's all about Sarah for me. Can't control it. Can't explain it. It just is.
