Why

Why is it so easy for me to raise a "severely disabled" child? I mean, why am I not stressed at all by the fact that my only girl requires so much care? Why am I not driven to get to the bottom of her diagnosis? Why does her 'condition' never depress me? Why am I so happy to have her home with me and to be responsible for her schooling? Why am I never sad or overwhelmed with her needs?

Why does it just not bother me?

What is wrong with me? What is going on? Seriously. I am asking.

If Sarah is sick, of course, I am concerned to the point of unrelenting nausea and ridiculous obsession, but I was that way with the boys too, so that's not disability related. That's just me and my neuroses.

So, I have some theories, I don't know if any of them hold the key to my contentment. But here they are:

1. I have always loved dolls. My mom gave me my last babydoll when I was 13. I remember the day. And I remember her telling me it was the last one.

2. I love babies. Simple as that. My most favorite thing in the whole world is a newborn. I cried in 2nd grade when I spelled the word baby wrong on a test. No kidding. I started babysitting at age 10. I pushed a baby in his carriage up and down the street. I was in heaven and felt that I was the luckiest girl in the world. Just exactly like how I feel now caring for Sarah. No difference.

3. Sarah has good doctors, which means, they listen to me and let me run the show. Ha! So absolutely no stress there.

4. Online support groups. Any question that I put out there receives many informed, intelligent, caring  answers from the best source of all- other parents. It's invaluable! They are invaluable.

5. A school system that is comfortable enough to go outside the box for Sarah and give her an educational program that 'no other child in the District has' and is the precise one that I want for her.  Hooray for that.

6. I am not a fighter. I don't have it in me.

7. I am a homebody. I like to be home. And so does Sarah.

8. I have a family that fully accepts and enjoys Sarah just as she is. She's not the only unusual member of the bunch :)

10. My personal outlook, meaning, this is how I happen to see life, in a nutshell :  It is what it is supposed to be. Life is not random. We are here to learn, challenges are here to teach. I tend to look on the bright side. I savor the little things and focus on the big picture, the one beyond this particular life. I don't want to get all spiritual on you so I'll stop here, lol.

11. I believe a successful life is not measured by what you can or cannot physically do. It's what you give that counts and there are many ways to do this.

12. Sarah has brought a dimension to her brothers that otherwise would not exist. So thankful for that.

13. Sarah is a medically stable child. Meaning she is not 'ill'. She doesn't have seizures or heart troubles or respiratory issues that require hospitalizations. Sure, she can't do anything for herself, but she is 'healthy', so far.



So maybe, throwing all these thing together in a pot explains my passivity about the whole thing. Well, maybe passivity is the wrong word .Because I am not passive. I am actively happy. So there, take that, you disability, you!

Yes, I know I am strange.